In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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