Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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