it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't notice because vodka
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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