i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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