i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize