I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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