So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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