Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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