Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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