I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
