Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
