You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
