why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
