I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
