mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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