walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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