Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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