I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
