he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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