I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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