just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
