the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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