Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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