he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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