He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
