Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
