If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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