he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize