found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
