It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
