fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
