Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
