my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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