He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
