What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
