mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize