I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
