If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
