i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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