would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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