@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
