wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
