with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
