Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
