How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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