Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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