omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
