So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
