Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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