He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
