there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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