you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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