kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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