Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
