You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
