Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
