3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
