direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
