WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
