wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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