I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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