Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
