The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize