I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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