I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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