I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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