Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize