I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
