I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
