id be glad to
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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