i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize