Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
