ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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