All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
