Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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