after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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