pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
