the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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