we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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