Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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