my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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