what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Floor bacon is actually really good
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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