i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
