Will you blow on my dice?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
