I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize