hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
