Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
