ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
