my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
